What is Codependency?
Sometimes referred to as a “relationship addiction”, codependency is a behavioral condition characterized by a string of irrational, one-sided, and destructive relationships with other people. People who suffer with codependency struggle to form healthy relationships and will often find themselves pairing with dysfunctional partners instead.
Rather than recognize the dangers and downsides of their relationship, codependent people may rely on denial and avoidance to continue to justify staying by their partner’s side. They often struggle with low self-esteem, consider their needs as unimportant or second to their partner’s needs, and fear abandonment above all else.
While codependency is not recognized as a mental health condition yet by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health (“DSM”), it has been argued by experts in the field that it should be. Furthermore, it has been a studied behavioral condition for over a decade.
Codependency is not necessarily exclusive to romantic relationships. Any dynamic where the cooperation and interdependence of two people is necessary can devolve into a codependent relationship.
How Does Codependency Affect Relationships?
The dynamic between someone who is codependent, and their partner, is often described as the dynamic between an enabler and their abuser. However, codependent relationships can be abusive in both ways.
People who struggle to form healthy relationships while codependent may exhibit not only denial towards their partner’s personal dysfunctions, but also try to exert control over others, often through emotional or sexual manipulation.
Struggling with codependency usually means ignoring the warning signs or bad behaviors of a partner or excusing their behavior time and time again. Codependency is commonly seen in abused spouses or partners, as well as the partners of people who struggle with substance abuse.
In research literature, it was first identified and named as a recurring pattern in relationships where one partner struggles with alcohol use disorder, and the other enables their addiction through codependent behavior.
How Can Family Dynamics Affect Codependency?
Some research links codependent behavior to dysfunctional family relationships. Individuals who grew up in a household where abuse was swept under the rug, never acknowledged, and never addressed, learn to suppress their pain and their emotions rather than find healthy ways to deal with them, such as removing themselves from the danger or seeking healthier ways of coping with the aftermath of a traumatic experience.
Survivors of family trauma may become distant from their own emotions, detaching themselves from their own needs, and feeling shame towards themselves – even blaming themselves. This combination of low self-esteem with the learned behavior of ignoring red flags in relationships makes family trauma survivors more likely to develop codependent bonds to potentially abusive partners, sacrificing themselves to fulfill their partner’s needs, whatever they may be.
Managing Codependency at Resolutions
Codependency is often a deep-seated and learned behavioral pattern arising from trauma, whether family abuse or trauma from a previous relationship. Addressing these learned patterns takes time.
Our outpatient programming at Resolutions helps clients find the time to discover themselves. An individualized program consisting of one-on-one and group therapeutic treatments can help clients relearn what it means to experience and nurture interdependent relationships.
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